


Child of Twilight

by CrystalNavy



Category: The Silmarillion and other histories of Middle-Earth - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: Canonical Character Death, Gen, POV First Person, Sad Ending
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-04-14
Updated: 2019-05-09
Packaged: 2020-01-13 10:47:25
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 8
Words: 3,990
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18467386
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CrystalNavy/pseuds/CrystalNavy
Summary: This is my attempt to depict the complete life of one of my favorite characters, their downfall (both literally and figuratively), and their 'life' in Mandos afterwards





	1. The Curse, and Caragdur

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Despite trying not to let it show, I was afraid.

For the first time in what seemed like forever, I was finally capable of leaving my spot beside the bed. Bed that now held nothing. At that moment, all I wished was to turn back time, even though I knew this to be impossible. I was an orphan, and this was the truth I had to accept, no matter how much I wanted to deny it.

I walked through the city properly for the first time since my arrival. Everyone I passed gave me the same kind of looks. In their eyes, I saw pity mixed with emotion I couldn't quite place. Many of them gave me concerned looks. Looks I hated the most. I was stronger than this. I could overcome this. At least, that's what I believed at the time.

I approached the window and looked outside. The landscape was breath-taking and beautiful. In the distance, there were the black cliffs of Caragdur, and of Amon Gwareth beyond them. Looking at them filled me with fear, fear I tried to ignore, without much success."

"The view is beautiful, is it not?" Turgon joined me 

"Yes, it is." I agreed, half-heartedly

Turgon, King of Gondolin. He demanded respect, respect that I gave freely. His gaze followed mine, and he frowned.

"You do not have to fear." Turgon laid his hand onto my shoulder "I will make sure it doesn't come to pass."

"Of course." I bowed before him

And for the time, I believed him.

I should've known it wouldn't be so simple. A curse is not so easily lifted, especially not one uttered by one's own kin.

-x-

As was customary, I was inducted. I was now the second most powerful individual in the city, outranked only by Turgon himself.

And from that point on, I was surrounded by people. People who tried to befriend me on more than one occasion, making me wonder if they were trying to befriend me of their own free will, or simply because Turgon requested that they do so. Or maybe they wanted to be close to someone with my level of power?

I had no illusions about reality. People would do anything to reach their goal, including keeping facades. 

So I did the only thing I could. I isolated myself from everyone. I only appeared in public when it was absolutely necessary. 

I didn't need their company. They befriended me either because of pity or because they wanted to use my standing to increase their own or meet some other goal.

The pain inside of me remained.

-x-

The first party since my arrival promised to be extravagant. Turgon kept the reason for the party a secret, as did everyone else.

There was a knock on the door. Before I could react, Glorfindel and Ecthelion came in, while Egalmoth barred the only exit from the room.

"To what should I owe the honor?" I looked up, expecting an answer.

"Yourself." Glorfindel replied

He and Ecthelion quickly approached and took one of my arms each.

"You're coming with us." Glorfindel stated, in a tone which left no rooms for argument "Turgon has specifically requested that you should attend this ceremony, and we're here to ensure his order is followed."

"Besides, you have been cooped up here for a long time, and it's not healthy." Ecthelion added

And so, the three of us walked outside. The two of them watched me like hawks, while Egalmoth walked quietly behind us. As we walked, I couldn't help but glance at the black cliffs. They were dark and foreboding, and the familiar feeling of dread rose up within me once more.

Glorfindel must have realized what I was looking at. He quickly shifted his position, blocking my line of sight. His mouth pursed into thin line. Ecthelion and Egalmoth behaved pretty much the same way. All three of them were eyeing the black cliffs with distaste. The tension around the four of us became palpable.

"They are quite high, aren't they?" I quipped, trying to ease the tension "If someone were to fall down from there......"

All three turned towards me as one, interrupting me mid-sentence

"Don't joke about it." Glorfindel demanded hotly "You're the last person who should joke about it."

I had to admit he was right.

After all, if anyone were to fall from those cliffs......

It would be me.

Still, it was nice of them to keep me seeing and experiencing what I feared the most.

-x-

The ceremony, and the party which followed, was extravagant. Just as I had suspected it would be.

I watched as Turgon rose. As was customary, his daughter and myself rose up with him.

"On behalf of myself and my family, I welcome you to this event!" Turgon announced "Now, go and enjoy yourselves!"

He pushed both Idril and me towards the gathered crowd. 

"What is the purpose of this?" I asked Idril quietly

Before she could answer, Glorfindel and Ecthelion appeared out of nowhere. Glorfindel and Idril nodded to one another, before Idril departed, leaving the three of us alone with one another.

"This ceremony is for you." Glorfindel revealed "That's why Turgon wanted you to be present."

"Try not to disappoint him." Ecthelion added

I nodded. It was the least I could do. 

Maybe I would forget about the fact that I was cursed by my own flesh and blood in time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's my headcanon that he must have feared it in the very beginning, and it was only because of other people's intervention that he overcame that fear.
> 
> Then, of course, THAT happened.


	2. The Calling of the Blood

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some calls are hard to ignore.

Living here was hard, in more ways than one.

It was three years ago that I lost both of my parents. And in return, I was given home. This city was my home. It had given me everything I had hoped for, and I wanted to give something back. Both to the city, and to its people. 

I was already a part of its political scene, and I was allowed to influence the decisions that were made.

But I wanted to do something more. Something unique to myself.

And as fate would have it, I found out what that something was.

It called out to me, in a manner reminiscent of a song. And I couldn't ignore its call.

It was in my blood, after all, and no matter how hard I tried to deny it, I couldn't resist the call of my own blood.

The mountains were ripe with these gifts. Gifts which just begged to be refined into something useful, or into something beautiful.

On that day, I requested to be in charge of the process itself, and my request was granted.

My new position also allowed me to stay in my comfort zone, away from the people. Away from their misplaced affections.

Because deep down, I knew I didn't deserve their affections.

The black cliffs were proof enough of that.

There was darkness deep within me, and it would be only a matter of time before it would surface. Then everyone would see me for what I really am.

-x-

I found myself in a strange place. There were pillars surrounding me, and there was an enormous figure standing by each of those pillars, looking at me with disapproving eyes.

"What do you have to say for yourself?" one of those figures inquired of me, in a deep voice

I knew instantly who it was, even though I didn't know how could I have such a knowledge.

With a sweep of their hand, the speaker - Namo - made many people appear around us.

People I knew. People I interacted with every day - or at least used to, before my self-imposed isolation.

"Face all of those you had wronged." Namo decreed

The large figures vanished, leaving me with people of Gondolin. My people. Many of them were familiar to me, but some of them weren't.

I saw different expressions on their faces. Most were variants of anger, sadness, or combination of both.

And then, I turned to the opposite side. There stood my parents, close to each other. Closer than I could ever be to either of them.

"They'll forgive you." mother said "But you need to be able to forgive yourself first."

"And to acknowledge what you've done wrong." father added

Then they both vanished, along with the rest of people from Gondolin 

"It's time for the final verdict." Namo's voice resounded through the empty space.

And I woke up.

My whole body was shaking.


	3. Rumors

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Not all rumors are harmless.

This was the first time in months that I was out in the open again.

In actually, I was coerced (read: dragged out by force) by Glorfindel and Ecthelion, who were concerned for my health.

The main square was full of people who went about their business. There were small groups chatting with one another. Pieces of their conversation reached our ears.

"....and they had said that he has Orc blood in his veins."

At this, Glorfindel's face turned stony, and he looked ready to go over there. Ecthelion and I grabbed him from behind to stop him from doing so, but he shook us off.

"I am getting to the bottom of this." he announced, and made his way over to the group

We had no choice but to follow.

"Now." Glorfindel was saying "I am very interested in who exactly has Orc blood in their veins? I suspect that the King would be interested as well."

The Elf - whom I recognized as one of Rog's men - was about to reply. Then his gaze fell onto Ecthelion and myself, who were standing nearby, and his face grew pale. He rapidly shook his head.

"It is only a rumor, my lord." he stated

Yet his eyes betrayed his true emotion. He wanted to get out of here, and fast.

"I still want to hear." Glorfindel insisted "Someone who is half-Orc might pose a danger to Gondolin, so it's imperative that we know."

And so, all three of us waited, as he shook. Finally, he seemed to realize that the only way he'd be allowed to leave is if he revealed the truth. So he raised a shaky finger and pointed it at me.

"Considering that he outranks you - and all of us, for that matter - you'd better be able to back that statement up." Glorfindel said icily

The Elf shook his head, before departing swiftly. The rest of his companions were of the same mind, for they made themselves scarce as well.

Smiling broadly, Glorfindel re-joined me and Ecthelion. Then he looked at me, and his smile fell.

"I am sorry." he said "If I had known this would happen, I wouldn't have forced you to do this."

"You don't have to listen to them." Ecthelion said firmly 

"I don't feel like doing this anymore." Glorfindel excused himself "The two of you may continue, if you so wish."

"Yeah, we will." Ecthelion spoke before I could say anything

With one last look, Glorfindel departed.

"You are planning something, aren't you?" I accused

"So we are." Ecthelion confirmed "Your father-name is accurate indeed, considering you are able to see our hidden thoughts."

"Should we go there too?" I suggested

"Yes, we should." Ecthelion grinned "I suspect that they will need witnesses, and who better than us?"

-x-

"And that was what happened, my King." Glorfindel concluded

"If this is really true, then I can't let this stand." Turgon stood up "I can't let anyone say such things about a member of Royal family - my family."

"I figured you'd say that." Ecthelion spoke

He and I made our presence known.

"Glad you could come." Turgon's gaze turned to us "Now, is what Glorfindel say true?"

"Yes, it is." Ecthelion said immediately "Both of us heard it too."

"That we did." I confirmed 

"Then, according to the customs of this city." Turgon announced "Since the injured party has a high-standing, they get to announce the punishment, if they so wish. If they do not wish to, then the King shall decide."

"Then it is my wish that you should decide upon this matter." I recited 

"So be it." Turgon sighed "Considering the circumstances, I cannot let this slide."

Then he announced his judgment.

As we left, I chanced a glance at Idril, who remained by her father's side. Her eyes met mine, and they held a mixture of pity and kindness within them.

And from that moment on, I knew that my father's curse would indeed come true.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ".....and whispers there were that he had Orc's blood in his veins..." - Fall of Gondolin


	4. Brothers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hurin and Huor arrive in Gondolin.

Today I couldn't avoid being in the public, for the King himself had summoned us. 

Apparently, two strangers had found their way into the city. They were brought before the King, and they introduced themselves as Hurin and Huor. They were the Secondborn, as we called them. They were weaker than us and had shorter lifespans than us. And yet, they held love and respect for us. Much as I loathed to admit it, they were both loyal and brave. These traits made them good allies in our war with Morgoth.

Still, I tried to avoid them as much as possible. The Elves of Gondolin showered them with friendship and affection. This was something that they had never done for me. Not even Glorfindel and Ecthelion had. Their 'friendship' with me was merely a by-product of passing interest. When they lost interest, they would abandon me, just like everyone else.

Hurin and Huor, on the other hand, drew people in like magnets. They had charisma, the kind of charisma I did not have. My words swayed everyone and everything I met. Yet I couldn't succeed where in really mattered. These people.....they would never accept me as easily as they had accepted Hurin and Huor.

Yet, I couldn't avoid them forever. On the fifth day of their stay in Gondolin, we finally crossed paths. 

"Fine morning, isn't it?" I greeted them with fake smile 

"Depends on how you see it." Huor spoke casually "I, for instance, don't see it that way, and I suspect that you don't either, my Lord."

"Why do you call me that?" I frowned

"Because that's what you are." Huor gave me an odd look "Is it not true?"

I merely nodded, before turning around and walking away. I was not in the mood for debating with them. They would eventually see my true nature and then they too would despise me.


	5. Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hurin and Huor are happy to find someone else who wasn't born in Gondolin, and they can't let that go. And looking at them is like staring at inverted image of yourself. Similar, yet opposite.

"Do you feel homesick?" Hurin asked out of the blue

I looked up, and frowned.

"What prompted this question?" I arched my eyebrow

"Turgon told us you weren't born here." Huor clarified, sliding into an unoccupied chair opposite of my own "So, do you feel homesick some of the time?"

"Can't say I do." I replied with a slight frown "I've wanted to escape that place my whole life, and I managed to achieve that. Gondolin is much better."

"What was the place where you were born like?" Huor asked another question, his eyes shining with curiosity

"Suffocating." I said firmly "Nothing good happened to me while I was there, and the shadows followed me. That place and its influence made me an orphan."

Huor and Hurin glanced at each other, and then Hurin stood up.

"We don't know much about this city." Hurin stated

"We'd like you to be our guide." Huor looked at me earnestly, standing up as well

"I suppose....." I was a bit nervous "I have never done this sort of thing before."

-x-

"Do you love someone?" Huor asked

It was nearing dusk, and our tour of the city was drawing nearer to an end. Somehow, this fact made me sad.

"Indeed I do." I answered honestly "But she'll never see me as anything but....."

I trailed off. I didn't want to finish that sentence. Yet, Hurin and Huor somehow knew what I was feeling.

"We were hoping that showing us the city would make you feel better." Huor said sincerely 

"Rejection is never a pleasant experience, but sometimes, you need to move on." Hurin spoke with wisdom beyond his age

"I don't think I ever would be able to." I mumbled into my sleeve

I didn't want them to know the secrets of my heart. If they knew the depraved thoughts which lay within, their attitude towards me might change. And I didn't want it to.

Because in them, I saw myself, the way I was in the very beginning. When I wasn't an orphan. When the depraved love I now felt hadn't sunk its claws into me.


	6. Nirnaeth Arnoeidad

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The fifth battle, as seen from a single POV.

Hurin and Huor had left. I tried to oppose them being allowed to leave. Just like Turgon, I've grown fond of them and didn't want them to go. Still, their argument was sound, and even I couldn't deny that. 

But now, I had more important matters to attend to. Turgon had elected to join his brother, Fingon, and fight in the Fifth Battle. And many of us had volunteered to go with him, myself included. 

Weapons and armor were distributed among us, and we were ready to go. And go we did. We marched into battle, as an unified force. We were ready to destroy soldiers of Angband, and drive Morgoth himself from Beleriand.

And yet, every one of us forgot the Doom of Mandos. Forgot that our efforts would be for naught.

The good news was that I was reunited with Hurin and Huor.

The bad news was that we were under attack from all sides.

"Look out!" I cried, killing the Orc who was about to attack Hurin and Huor from behind.

"Nice save." Hurin high-fived me.

"We're fighting a losing battle." Huor frowned

And he spoke the truth. All around us, our allies were losing ground.

"You need to go." Huor turned to me "Convince Turgon to retreat! As long as he and his people live, there would be hope!"

I nodded and sprinted off.

-x-

"What happened?" Turgon frowned at me

"There is no time!" I exclaimed, with a wild look in my eyes "We need to leave, now! Before Morgoth's armies butcher us!"

"He speaks the truth, my King." Hurin and Huor were panting, yet they were keeping the Orcs at bay at the same time "We'll guard you and your forces as you retreat."

"And while I may not see your white walls again, from you and from me a new star shall arise." Huor added 

Turgon frowned, but he ordered a retreat nonetheless.

"Don't let your love consume you." Huor whispered to me before we left

What Huor didn't know was that it already had.


	7. The Messenger

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tuor's arrival in Gondolin and what came after.

I was working on yet another project of mine. The day was peaceful and quiet for a change.

Until Ecthelion barged into my sanctuary, that was. He was disheveled and out of breath. 

"The King hopes you would join him in the throne room. There are certain matters that need your attendance." Ecthelion recited in one breath

Curiosity got the better of me and I nodded.

"I'll come." I said

-x-

The throne room was buzzing with activity. Lords were whispering amongst themselves. I took my designated place to the right of the throne. There was some more commotion, and then the great doors opened, revealing the real reason we have gathered here today. Ecthelion and Elemmakil came first, followed by Voronwe and an unfamiliar man. He had golden hair, similar to that of King's daughter, but still different.

"This is Tuor, son of Huor." Voronwe announced "He is the messenger Ulmo had promised us."

Tuor shed his cloak and recited his message. Yet, the voice that spoke was powerful, and every one of us knew that this was Ulmo himself speaking through him. Finally, the message was concluded. My eyes looked into Tuor's own. And in those eyes, I saw my own doom. The fulfillment of my late father's words.

I left, quickly and quietly. Most of the attention was on Tuor, and I was able to slip away unnoticed.

-x-

I sat by the fountain, enjoying the cool air around it. Today, the air was warm and humid for the most part, and sitting here provided relief. I heard footsteps approaching from behind me. I turned around. There stood Salgant, looking at me with concern. I managed a thin smile. Yet, he wasn't fooled. He sat down beside me.

"What troubles you?" he asked, gently

"It's Tuor." I answered honestly "He'll be the one to kill me. Of that I'm certain."

Salgant was one of those who loved my late mother. Even though she refused him, his feelings for her never faded. And he treated me like his own child after she died as a result.

"He won't kill you, not so long as I am around." Salgant promised 

I gave him an indulgent smile. Yet, in my heart, I could foretell that his words would prove empty.

-x-

After that, things returned to normal, for the most part. I had noticed that Tuor and Idril began spending more and more time together. They walked together often, or simply sat and talk. More and more people were drawn to Tuor, and I was left to my own devices. Yet, the darker side of me held resentment for Tuor. He had claimed the interest of everyone I cherished. He had what I could never have, and I hated him for it.

The King had decided that we will all remain in this city, and Tuor decided to stay with us. He adopted to our way of life seamlessly. Idril became his constant companion in the days that followed, and I saw that there was love between them.

I spent long hours in solitude, cursing fate. With each glance they shared, each word they spoke to one another, each casual touch they shared, I felt my hope dwindling more and more. 

Then, one day, I stumbled upon them hugging one another tightly, engaged in a passionate kiss, and I felt something break deep inside of me. 

I coughed lightly to get their attention. They looked at me, embarrassed, before they separated as quickly as they could. Still, the damage has been done.

Tuor looked sheepish, while Idril was flustered. 

And some part of me enjoyed catching them like this, seeing them uncomfortable. 

They took away the last hope I've had, after all.

And so began my descent into madness.


	8. The Wedding

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The wedding in Gondolin

The wedding was a momentous occasion, and everyone in Gondolin was invited. The bride and the groom looked stunning, and even I had to admit that. Turgon stood beside Idril, but the place beside Tuor was empty. Usually, the father and the mother of the couple would unite them in marriage, but not this time. For Tuor's mother was dead. Instead, it was Meleth who played the role. Turgon and Meleth spoke the ritualistic words, and then the celebratory feast began. 

Salgant seated himself next to me, with a not-so-subtle glance in my direction.

"Those feelings of yours will bring you only death. You yourself admitted as much." Salgant whispered "And as someone who loved your mother, I cannot let that happen. You need to let her go."

"I would if I could." I whispered "But I cannot. For letting her go would destroy me."

-x-

Tuor approached me on the following day.

"I've been there for almost a year, and still I don't know you as well as I want to." Tuor said with a smile "And since we're kinsmen now, it is best if we get to know one another."

If he only knew how much I hated him, he wouldn't be so nonchalant about the whole thing. Fortunately, Idril arrived and dragged him away.

I resumed my walk at a brisk pace. I needed to be alone. 

My forge was as welcoming as it ever was, and it provided me with comfort.

Here, I felt no shame brought on by my forbidden desire.

Here, there was no Tuor to darken my thought.

Here, I could be alone, do my work, and pretend that their wedding never happened. Pretend it was my own wedding instead.

Laws and customs stood in the way of my heart's greatest desire.


End file.
